Rant, rant rant

Okay, so here's the thing.  I absolutely absolutely can NOT stand mean people. I don't care if your meanieness is directed at me, someone I love, or someone I hate.  I have had enough hate and contempt in my life to last 45 lifetimes.  I have decided that if some folks feel that they can spread their disillusioned selves through hateful words violence or just plain looks then I have something to say.  First to the douchebag of a pastor who told the entire world that LDS people are not christians I say that I hope to holy batman you never find yourself in need of the power of the priesthood which followers of "mormonism" hold. I absolutely Know That as a follower of christ that you are spreading hate simply because your definition of christianity is very narrow.  Second, for  the bullies of the world FUCK YOU. I understand that you have horrid self image, that you have suffered great abuse and trauma yourselves. this being said grow up we all have to live here and if you think that you deserve more air because you hit harder, yell louder, and get more angry. You are seriously mistakin. If you are a child then I hope someone comes to love you enough to right your behavior.  To all of you who discriminate out of fear I am truly sorry that your mind is overcome by fear, you take it out on someone else. If however you are ignorent then WAKE UP, read a book, get an education. All right rant done. AND Scene


Biggest Loser Or ED

So, I want to know if The biggest loser triggers anyone else??? Don't get me wrong I love this show I mean who wouldn't. However If I lost 70 pounds in 3 weeks I would find myself in treatment so fast. Now I realize that this show is done under seriously controlled circumstances. I also know that I have an eating disorder. I am seriously wondering how many of these contestants develop one. I have to say that when I was exercising 6 hours a day and eating restricted calories I did lose a Shit load of weight.  I am wondering why for me it is an eating disorder and for these particular people it is healthy. I know what your going to say. "Well these people have a lot of weight to lose." Yes but so do I but, Granola would have my ass at the fat you up hotel soooo quick, It wouldn't matter how happy and successful I felt. That is all.



This past week I have felt my age in full force. Granted I am not old, but I feel for the first time all that I have lost. I am seeing for the first time how little I have to show for my 36 years. I have often felt very young. Sort of arrested, like my development stopped at a young age. I have certainly suffered from Peter Pan syndrome. Suddenly,however I am seeing very clear.  I grieve for the young girl I was. I also am at a loss as what to do. I wish that I had so many things so my plan is to go out and get them. I have no idea where to start. However I will begin with prayer.