How is it possible that I can fail any more. My life is in the toilet. How can I get any worse I purged my dinner because I can't deal with the joy of all the people in my life. 1 she has such a perfect family I am just poor fat Clarissa. I walk away and no one says good-bye no one says hello how is it that I am so invisible. Well I can do that I can not eat I can purge when they make me. I can become so invisible they won't see me.
So yesterday I binged like LMAO it was like that song Food glorious food, ( yes Oliver! is one of my favorite musicals). Any-who today got on the scale 3 lbs down yes three !!! can we say assbackward. Tree did not come home yesterday so me thinks she is in for another long stay at the fat you up hotel. I am super sorry for her but she could use a little meat around them clanking bones. She will however come home and tell me she is sooooo fat. I hate that it makes me feel like a hippo. I know that she feels like one too, but tree I gotta tell ya, you look damn good to me. Me on the other hand I could stand to lose a few hundred kiloton.
damn therapist doesn't know me at all she thinks my ultimate desire is a husband I am chocking on the force feeding of normalcy. I think Hot mess Hair is out of her fecking mind. I need to talk about fears and what happens when my fear makes me want to slit my own throat. She needs so serious education on eating disorder and the real world I do not know how much more god is the answer bullshit I am holy shit mad but I purged twice today breakfast an lunch and to all my med. I am going to have to educate her big time and frankly it is not my job. done rant and scene. she tells me all the time your beautiful blah blah oh how can I stand her